The Streets of Heaven are too crowded with angels
by Lara Cox
Summary: Suddenly a new thought hits me: The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels today. Alternative ending to First... do not harm. Mac's point of view.


Author's note: This is a very sad and dark Fanfic. It's an alternative ending for "First… Do not harm". I think that with the title you can imagine what happened….

The title is a phrase from "The West Wing" that immediately made me think about the horrible thing that could have happened in "First… do not harm".

Disclaimer: I don't own Commander In Chief…. And I'm not making money with this.

**The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. **

November 3. 2014 

"_I would have given anything to have prevented this."_ That's all I could think during the memorial service… I couldn't stop thinking that I would have done anything to save those lives. But deep down I knew that, even when I felt that way, there was something I didn't do.

There was one thing I could have done but didn't do because at that moment it felt terribly wrong. And it really is something terrible that I wasn't prepared to accept… I don't think I'll ever be really prepared to accept that, not even after what happened, but that terrible thing could have made the difference. If only I had known that the terrible thing I refused to do was all I had to do to prevent this big tragedy… but I had been convinced that I was doing things right… I was convinced that I was doing was enough to prevent the terrorist attacks (only a possibility at that moment). It turned out that it wasn't.

A few days ago, I put my foot down in the Sit Room. I told Melanie: "_I don't want to hear that he was tortured. Do you understand me?"_ In political code "I don't want to hear" means: "I want that to happen behind my back…" everybody knows that. But I wasn't talking in code. I never do that. I'm too transparent. Melanie realized that… she knew exactly what I meant. She knew I didn't wanted Asham to be tortured… and she obeyed me even when she didn't want to. Maybe she considered going against my wishes… She could have easily disobeyed me, and then an Attorney General's arrogance and insolence would have prevented a horrible tragedy.

Suddenly my husband takes my hand in support as we are both sit next to each other in the Cathedral's bench … The memorial service for the 30 fatal victims of the bombs that exploded 5 days ago in two elementary schools is taking place in a beautiful National Cathedral. The huge Cathedral is completely full. I look at Rod for a few seconds. Yes, he knows I blame my self. He knows I want to cry really hard but I can't…. I haven't cried yet because I haven't been alone for 5 dam seconds since the nightmare started… and I never cry in public… It doesn't matter how bad is the situation, NOBODY can ever see my cry. Sometimes I hate my self for not being able to show my feelings… but that's just how I am. But Rod knows I'm devastated…. He knows I'm crying a river inside… Then my mind is back in the service… I hear the minister saying: "For those parents who lost their children there are no words of consolation" and my eyes go instinctively to the parents of the victims…. A large group of mothers and fathers with their hearts broken in little pieces. Oh God… The pain they must be feeling. Some of them are showing it with unstoppable sobs.

Then I look at the 30 pictures in the altar… 27 elementary school kids and three teachers. One of the teachers, her name was Monica, had been outside the building when it exploded, but after the explosion she ran into the burning building to try get people out of there… the building collapsed with her in it and she died… she died because she ran into the building to help others… I look at her picture and suddenly a new thought hits me: "The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels today".

When I was told what happened I couldn't believe it. I thought I was having a very bad dream. I still have a hard time getting my head around what happened. How could you get your head around something like this? How could this even be possible? How it is possible that one Halloween, with kids going to School in sweet little costumes, incredibly exited about the candies they would get later, some bastards bombed 2 schools and then 27 kids plus 3 teachers will never see another Halloween?

After the service we go back to the White House. Entering in there and being called "Madame President" never hurt me like now. My house and my title became just painful reminders of that fact that I had to power to prevent what happened but I didn't have the stomach to do what could have prevented all this… dam it! I could have saved those lives just with one order…

That night I put my younger daughter on bed… I hug her very tight and tell her how much I love her. I can help thinking that 27 mothers won't be able to do the same with their little babies… Looking at Amy is too painful right now… she reminds me those 27 kids that were about her age and died. Those little children who were just starting to live… Innocent victims, all of them. Angels. I leave Amy's bedroom, I can't take it anymore…

I need to be alone. I practically ran away from my residence, away from my family… I don't want anyone to talk to me… not even Rod. So walk down the West Wing… Which is practically empty at this hour. I seek refuge in the big Oval Office. I order a Secret Service Agent to guard the door… no one must bother me. I enter in the Oval and close the door behind me… I take off my shoes and start walking around.

Then I can't fight the tears anymore and I collapse in the couch. Right there… In the middle of the Oval Office, when no one could see me, I cried a river. I cried like I never cried before. I cried for them… I cried for the teachers who died, for the parents of the victims and I cried for the 27 children with their short lives ripped out of them.

After all the crying I manage too put my self together and stand up… I walk towards the window and look outside. You can see the stars… I share more tears as I watch the beautiful stars…. One thing is for sure: The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight.

**The End…. **

Please… tell me what you think…


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